The Pointed Circle

A Social Groupie Ain’t A Friend

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India Trotter

India Trotter

India Trotter is the owner of BlankStareCorner.com, an online blog-site with a tagline "Real Talk by Real People". She no stranger to freelance article and online writing. She writes as she speaks so to draw you in; touching on topics of everyday life, personal growth and emotional development. She is very forthright with her delivery; straight no chaser. A long time native Philly resident who was raised in San Diego, California - She shows a bi-coastal way of thinking; more like, a beach bum attitude with an East Coast edge. She has a degree in Business Administration but in her mind that equates to a degree in Psychology [blank stare]. Her advice and rhetoric comes from life experience and common sense; which is apparently not so common. Read her blogs on BlankStareCorner.com, the Pointed Circle featured on www.GirlTiniLive.com, Examiner.com and tune in to hear her co-host the online radio show GirlTiniLive Uncensored on www.blogtalkradio.com/GirlTiniLive
India Trotter

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Warning: This piece contains explicit language.

Normally I have absolutely no idea what I’m going to share with you the reader. When I look back at most of my blog entries they typically start with me trying to figure out what topic I am going to share with you, my faithful reader, on any given week. Typically searching and racking my brain for some insignificant happening that I can construct into a lesson learned. Well, I have you know that this week thanks to a spirited debate with a [now] former friend gone left I have plenty of material to chose from. Now, during our back and forth banter I told said former friend that I would utilize the situation for blog material which invariably perturbed them more. Nobody wants to see themselves in my blog. Typically if you do [see yourself] that means you are on the wrong side of reason in my book. But as with all trivial matters that make me think, ponder, chuckle or all of the above, no one is safe or off limits to the spotlight. I should be clear though if your material makes it to the blog it does not mean you have some meaningful place in my life. You are not crucial to my existence. I am not losing sleep. I am not biting at your bit. Do not flatter yourself in thinking that you made the headlines because I think that highly of you; unless its a piece about my hero/SHEro and then that is a whole different story [blog, if you will]. As subject matter for my ink you are simplistically food for fodder; relevant only until I hit “save”. And so with that little caveat I begin.

Let me say that Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and all that is considered social media can be a slippery slope for those who vie for attention. From time to time, I too, get caught up in attention seeking mode of the world of “like”; acceptance. We look for something witty to say. We post pictures. Short clips are shared to promote giggles. We share our pain. We share our happiness. The list goes on and on. Some of us have hundred of friends [if not thousands] so “likes” and “loves” are plentiful; social approval reigns supreme. Regardless of what you post [be it right or wrong] if you have hundreds or thousands of cyber buddies you will always be able to feed your like-ability ego. I think this in many ways distorts reality, however. When someone goes against the “like” or shows disagreement on a post many times the author takes offense and/or the “odd man out” is ganged up on by others. Many times when folks do not agree with what someone is saying they just say nothing, ignore it, and move on. They, too, are afraid of not being liked. The reality is that many people in and on social media share material that is sometimes off putting, offensive, destructive and downright rude but are falsely walking away with a community seal of approval because everyone just wants to, in the words of the infamous Rodney King, “get along”. If you know anything about me, I do not go along to get along. I could give two rats asses if you like me but I do need you to like my Facebook Page [shameless plug]. But for real [blank stare]. Seriously though, if I need to agree with you on social media to be your so called friend then so-be it call me de-friended; and I am definitely okay with that. I do not subscribe to social groupie. Social groupie, you ask [raised eyebrow]? Yes, social groupie! Follow me.

I have [had] a friend that is a self proclaimed asshole; much like myself. I actually have plenty of those. This one, however, is known to say some not so politically correct things on social media. Now, I must admit that many of the things that are said are funny. Some, not so much [lip curl]. Many I simply ignore. Then there are those that make me cringe. The other day I read something that made me cringe. I said something; both on and offline.  One other time in the past couple of years I did the same with the very same person and we, like civil assholes do, agreed to disagree. Let it be very clear that I can be quietly adverse like many but these two specific times I could not let it go. I will not go into what was said so not to give light to the ridiculousness of it all but just know that I did not like what I read and I reached out to what I considered a friend. That was my first mistake. When dealing with social media it is very important to know your place; stay in your lane. I apparently did not stay in mine. You see I thought I was in a friend category but apparently I was relegated in this instance to a sub-category [teeth suck]. I did not know. Looking back I should have known because I knew that this individual had shown all signs of an attention seeking whore; feigning for approval, acceptance, the proverbial nod. My reach out was met with defense, character assassination, and name calling. The best part was that our text altercation climaxed with a big “fuck you”. Not me to them but them to me [blank stare]. Oh, and then I was de-friended [wide eye]. What just happened? Just like that fifteen plus years of friendship out the window over something dumb and socially stupid.

Herein lies the lesson. Oh, there is always a lesson [teeth suck]. This lesson is two-fold. When you are on social media determine who is a social groupie and who is a friend and more importantly know which role you are operating in. The very same person I spoke of in previous paragraphs has hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of social groupies but when they threw a birthday party if ten people showed up I am being generous. Those ten people were friends. I was there. This very same person embarks on God forsaken activities almost everyday and has put it out there to the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of social groupies that there is an open invitation but only two [count them] have ever “came with”. I was one [a friend]. I almost died. Okay, maybe I did not almost die but it sure felt like it [side eye]. This very same individual has hundreds and hundreds and [did I say] hundreds of social groupies but when it was time to show their support on another magnificent venture that this individual decided to give a go I was front row [maybe third row] and center with only a handful of others; giving the benefit of the doubt I’ll say uhmmmmm twenty others [and I’m shooting high]. Those twenty [if twenty] and I were friends. The motivation to lose, move and make a change? That was me son [in my Bronx accent]. Holla atcha’ gurl. Oh, that’s right, at the end of the day I am not your girl because I did not agree with your social media shenanigans. I did not big up your trumped up malarky. I did not go along to get along. I did not subscribe to groupie. I was your sister for years but today I can not even be your friend [not even cyber-ly] because I did not lick the crack of your proverbial asshole; figuratively, of course [blank stare]. I would never say “fuck you too” because that would be antiquated, juvenile, and a little too easy. What I will say is this [and pay attention] the illusion of “like” is a dangerous thing. It may temporarily feed your need to be relevant but truly at the end of the day are you; relevant, that is? When you step away from the screen what do you have? Who do you have? Have you blurred your reality lines? Have you confused fake friends with real? Half of those hundreds and hundreds and [did I say] hundreds of people who are your cyber associates do not even know [or care to know] the real you. You are, at best, good for a laugh or a break in their true reality. It is not personal but it is merely truth. Even a rock star does not confuse a groupie with a friend. As per Google, a groupie can be defined as an uncritical follower. There you have it! A friend, in contrast,  is someone who will call you on your shit and still deal with your silly ass anyway. So what? You did not hear what you wanted to hear. You weren’t given kudos for being what you perceived to be clever. Is that the new measurement of friendship? You want folks to suck a figurative dick and call them groupies? Nah, I am good. I’ll ride out on knowing that I spoke my truth and that my reality far surpasses the pixels of a laptop, my securities do not leave me vying for fake attention and I am emotionally sound enough to place value in what is real. So I confused myself with being a friend. My bad. Your mistake was you confused me with groupie.

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1 Comment

  1. missphilly2nc

    February 28, 2015 at 10:52 am

    Bravo! “Social groupies” about sums it up. Very well written as usual! I must say that your observations are indeed on point. It is no coincidence that our accounts of this experience are all too familiar. Just WOW…still smh!

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