The Pointed Circle

The Perfect Outfit

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India Trotter

India Trotter

India Trotter is the owner of, an online blog-site with a tagline "Real Talk by Real People". She no stranger to freelance article and online writing. She writes as she speaks so to draw you in; touching on topics of everyday life, personal growth and emotional development. She is very forthright with her delivery; straight no chaser. A long time native Philly resident who was raised in San Diego, California - She shows a bi-coastal way of thinking; more like, a beach bum attitude with an East Coast edge. She has a degree in Business Administration but in her mind that equates to a degree in Psychology [blank stare]. Her advice and rhetoric comes from life experience and common sense; which is apparently not so common. Read her blogs on, the Pointed Circle featured on, and tune in to hear her co-host the online radio show GirlTiniLive Uncensored on
India Trotter

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If you have ever read my blogs you know that I start off slow; introductory like. I then hit you with a funny story about myself and then I tie it all together with the moral or true meaning behind all the precursors to my last paragraph. It’s my thing. That is how I bring you into my fold; my thoughts. Today I think I am going to do things a little different. I am going to try to just get right to my point. Actually, I think I am going to start with the moral of the story first [teeth suck]. While I am [by no means] a relationship guru, I have definitely had my fair share of them. I typically stay away from blogging on the topic of dating and the search for the perfect mate because I have not been that successful. Just the other day, however, I was doing some self introspection and I said to myself [self] maybe you can not find the man of your “dreams” because the man that you have created in your dreams simply does not exist; kinda’ like the perfect outfit you make up in your head [blank stare]. Humor me for a minute.

So you are invited to a party or event; one of which requires you to dress to impress. The first thing you do [well at least I do] is panic because although you have two closets and a cedar chest full of clothes you [or am I speaking about me] have absolutely nothing to wear. Well, the truth of the matter is that you have nothing to wear that everyone has not already seen. Hey, circles are small and we sometimes have to feed our needs to be noticed. Post invitation a visit to Neiman Marcus, Saks Fifth Avenue, Macys, Bloomingdales, New York & Company, Joyce Leslie, Lane Bryant, JC Pennys, Ashley Stuart, Arden B, Target or Walmart is in order. Listen, its not where you buy it is how you wear what you buy [lip curl]. If you can not shop anywhere then you are simply an amateur shopper at best. Anyhoo, I digressed. With the perfect outfit in mind you set out to wherever your shopping destination leads you. And good luck with that. If your experience is anything like mine, by the third or fourth hour, third mall and twentieth store I am frustrated. Are you? Oh, so I am the only one [side eye].

I have actually [no lie] been on a hunt for my perfect outfit that I have designed in my head for like, [well] forever now. It exists only in my head but is a mixture of things that I see [fashion wise] that I like and believe will compliment me well. It is also ever changing and evolving. It is seasonal. It differs from event to event, of course. Whatever the invite is, however, I have the perfect outfit in mind for the festivities. I often run across items that are similar to my mental sample book but errr ummm maybe the color is off. The length is too long or too short. The sleeves should be 3/4 but they are too short or too long. What I am looking for will flare under my boobs and not at the waist. I need it to hide my hips but to accentuate my round rump. I need it to look classic but not fair maiden-ish. What? My name is India not Inga [blank stare]. My list can go on and on of the “close but no cigar” finds during my hunt. I wont even begin to discuss shoe scenarios. I have you know as a reformed shop-a-holic I have set off many a day looking for my perfect outfit and have come to the conclusion that the fashion gods simply do not shine favorably on my vision; my visions. And so, if I am lucky, I end up with the next best thing to my vision each and every time; the “it will do” choice because the store was closing and I have to make a decision. Other times I end up with an outfit that I am totally unsatisfied with but operate in “make it work” mode.

Could it be, per chance, that the reason why I can never find my perfection is because I am searching for something that is [well] perfect? Now of course that is “perfect” by my own definition but are we not speaking about what is in my head? Very often I find something comparable that makes me happy and yet I overlook that to continue my search, and search, and search and search some more until I am worn down and give into something that [often] does not even make me remotely happy. My decision is hurried and made out of desperation, frustration and haste. If I had just gone with my first option that was almost everything I was looking for but not exact. I could have been happy; happier than what I am now. Now I am settling for something out of fear of not having something for others to see. I am simply making it work for now; not totally invested. I am simply waiting to hang this one up and move on with my search. Wait! Am I still talking about an outfit? Or is it that I am talking about the man I did not give a chance because he did not meet the parameters that I set in my mind? Is not the conversation between the two interchangeable?

I have worn some pretty decent outfits. I have dated some equally decent men. I have put those clothes and men in the closet and on the shelf because in my mind they were not enough. They did not meet the standard that I had set in my head. Did I set my standard too high or did I just simply set too many standards; so many that the only person or thing that could fit into those parameters simply like my “perfect outfit” does not exist anywhere but in the space between my ears? Now this is not to say that there are those out there who have not found their outfit or their mate. Some folks simply are not as picky, hard to please or a simply more rational. Heck, some of y’all do not like to shop. This is totally un-relatable for you. You walk into the store and you pick up the first quality thing you see and it works. You can also liken that for being able to spot a quality mate and skipping all of this malarkey of which I speak. For those of us [and I include myself], however,  who are sitting back having conversations with ourselves about why we are single and can not find a mate I encourage you to ask yourself what is it in your mind that is holding you back from choosing a more realistic possibility? How long will you continue to overlook something [or someone] good for [or to] you to wait for something [or someone] perfect? It is time for many of us to change the way we think; better yet the way we shop!

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